Two Most Effective Ways to Combat Perfectionism

1. Practice Sitting with Imperfection

- I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the most effective ways I have of

experienced battling perfectionism is actually to practice imperfection

- That means letting your creation have errors

- It means not actively correcting them

- Its uncomfortable and its hard

- But, if you find small, safe ways to let imperfection stand – and just sit

with that feeling, you’re going to slowly teach your body that its safe

- It’s safe to be imperfect

- That’s one of the main things that we think as perfectionists is that we’ll be

beyond reproach if we do everything perfectly right

- The longer you can sit with imperfection, the more safe your body will feel

and the less viscerally it will feel in the future

2. Practice Intentional Gratitude and Joy with Your Writing

- Perfectionism is that thing that nods at your brain and tells you that

something is wrong

- And it’s a negative part of judging yourself

- And we want to be good writers – and that’s a great aspiration

- But the more we focus on perfectionism, the less we’re leaning into why we

got into writing in the first place, which is that we love storytelling

- We love to introduce new ideas to people and sharing ourselves, and that, with perfectionism, we’re not really getting that joy and gratitude

So, these are my two things for dealing with perfectionism

I want you to be able to classify helpful and unhelpful perfectionism

By the end if this workshop, I want you to be able to:

- Classify helpful and unhelpful perfectionism

- Create expectations that help you to move forward

- Identify personal beliefs that reinforce your perfectionist tendencies

- Use tools to push past perfectionism and get your work out into the world

I want you to be able to identify personal issues in your writing

Checking in with Reality – What We Think Perfectionism Does:

- Creates Excellent Work

- Challenges our Skill

- Affirms our Ability

- Protects Us fro Reproach

You might think that perfectionism is something within you that creates excellence, and you’re here at this workshop because you know that, at some level, this isn’t true – and you’re right

What Perfectionism Actually Does:

- Creates Stress and Anxiety

- Blocks Creativity

- Diminishes our Self-Worth

- Keeps Us from Putting Ourselves Out There and Connecting with People

A quote from Brené Brown:

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving or your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield ... that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.

When can Perfectionism be Helpful?

- I like to focus on this because I think it’s important to think on our coping mechanisms because we come up with these mechanisms through our lives. It’s trying to help us it doesn’t want us to fail.

Knowing the Difference

1. Helpful Perfectionism

         Thoroughness

         Goal Setting

         …

- That’s it, there are only two

- Everything else is at least a little bit on the negative side

2. Unhelpful Perfectionism

- Unrealistic Standards

- Self-Doubt/Low Self-Esteem

- Overworking Yourself

- Time Waster

- Avoidance/Procrastination

- Fear of Failure

In summary: all-or-nothing thinking: the idea that either your book is going to be a best-seller or you’re an abject failure – and that’s just not true

Tools: Journaling and Reflection

         Classifying Helpful and Unhelpful Perfectionism

Ask Yourself These Questions:

- Is my perfectionism helping my work or is it hindering me?

- Who am I comparing myself to?

- Who am I making these changes for? (myself, the reader, someone else)

- How long have I spent revising my manuscript?

Is it a reasonable time?

Have I been wasting my time?

- What evidence do I have that I need to keep revising?

- At what point should I feel that it’s done?

         If that point does not exist, how will I know when to stop?

- Is it time to hire an editor?

Write these answers down in your journal

Identifying the Source

Perfectionism doesn’t come out of nowhere, it’s a learned behavior and stems from a variety of factors

- Family or Peers

- Comparisons to Others

- Societal Beliefs

- Others

It’s just what we feel like we’re worth

Try to Visualize Your Earliest Memory Experiencing Perfectionism

- How Old were you?

- What Motivated You to be Perfect at That Time?

- What were the Consequences if You weren’t Perfect?

- Is the Motivation the Same Today? What about the Consequences?

- How does the Earlier Life Experience Re-enforce Your Current Perfectionist Tendencies?

Knowing these can give you the power to begin shifting your perspective – and eventually your beliefs and actions

Changing Your Mindset and Redefining “Perfect”

         Etymology of Perfect=Complete, not Perfect=Without Error

- One thing that is Within Your Control and You Can Do is Reframe Your

Understanding of “Perfect”

- There is nothing in the etymology of the word “perfect” that means

“without error”

- Art is flexible and subjective, not fixed and objective

Can You Move Forward? How do You use this information?

1. Be Proud, Be Grateful: Take Pride in Your Draft, No Matter How

Imperfect

- Start a Habitual Practice of Gratitude

- Write Down Things that You’re Proud Of

- Take Time to Thank People in Your Life Who’ve Helped You Get to This

Point

2. Do Nothing. Take a Break.

- Don’t Look at Your Manuscript for at Least a Month.

- OK to Write Notes if You Think of Something.

3. When You Come Back

- Print Your Manuscript – Do Not Set at the Keyboard

- First, Read It All the Way Through without Making Any Changes

- OK to Make Notes in the Margins, but Don’t Actively Edit

You’ll do your best revising after this, when you’re refreshed

Starting from This Point, Set a Limit on Self-Edits

- Whatever that is, you need the ability to set a time where you “Let-Go”

- Set a Limit on Time Spent

- Set a Limit on the Number of Read-Throughs

Once You’ve Reached that Limit, Stop and Evaluate Your Progress

- What Kind of Work Does the Manuscript Still Need?

         - Developmental, Structural, Grammar…

- Are You Able to Do This Work Yourself? In What Time Frame? Is It Time for

a Professional Editor?

4. Expect Discomfort and Find Joy

Adjust Your Mindset Going In and Throughout the Process

- Expect Some Fluidity

- Expect Some Writer’s Block

- Don’t Allow Yourself to Get Bogged Down

- Celebrate Your Darlings – There Will Be Some

As You Experience Growing Pains Getting Used to the Process

- Keep notes in your journal of what’s not working well yet

- It will help see patterns and assist in identifying how to adjust

5. Let Go. Trust the Process

– You aren’t the First - or the Last – to Go Through This

Acknowledge when You’ve Done All You Can at This Time in Your Growth

         It’s time to either find an editor – or publish

- Stop Revising

- Prepare Yourself for Feedback

- Practice Separating “You, the Person” from “You, the Author”

- Sit with Discomfort

- Reframe “Perfection”

A Quote from Toni Morrison

As a writer, a failure is just information. It’s something that I’ve done in writing, or is inaccurate or unclear. I recognize failure – which is important; some don’t – and fix it, because it is data, it is information, knowledge of what doesn’t work.

Ask Yourself: What Tools Should You Use to Combat Perfectionism?

Some Tips:

- Writing is an occupation, not an identity

- Everyone will fail in small ways. The key is learn to avoid the big ones

Writing is a Series of Incremental Steps

- No one can Succeed in the First Draft

- There are too Details to Identify Them All in Any One Read-through

Instead, Use any One Read-through to fix a Specific Type of Error or Required Improvement

A Suggestion as a Starting Point for Most Writers

1. Rough/First Draft – Get the Ideas on Paper – in Scenes at this point

No Editing At All

2. Second Draft – Concentrate on the Story, not the Plot

Stay at the scene level

The story is the meat, the plot is the bones holding the meat together

Get the story right first, forget the rest

Add/delete scenes to fit the needs of the story

3. Select a plot type and readjust the scenes to fit the plot

Add/delete scenes to fit the needs of the plot

Now create chapters

4. Read-through – gut-check, do you have a workable manuscript that will

be desirable in a specific genre/market

If not, what needs adjustment

Now is time to fix motivation, stakes, etc - No grammar/spelling edits

4. A small number of separate read-throughs to fix grammar/spelling errors

- There are too many of these types of errors to catch them all in any one

read-through

- Divide them into several categories and fix only those at any specific pass

5. Now use a computer-assisted editor(s)

- This will catch the majority of errors that you will continually miss because you are too “close” to the book for full objectivity – after all, your mind knows what the words are and may over-ride what the eyes see

- pay attention to details such as “reading level”

6. One last time – this time with no editing. The ideas is to try to read as your reader will

- Is there anything which causes you to “drop out of the story”